Five years ago, in my last months of living in Berkeley, California, I found this old copy of “What to Expect” in a “free box.” I grabbed it, thinking it would be useful some day. About a year later when we were settled in Ohio, I picked up the book again, hoping to learn about my bizarrely changing body and the unknown tenant inside. But the book wasn’t helpful. It was condescending in places, infuriating in others, and completely unscientific. Plus, that woman on the cover — jeez. She was faintly creepy. So I wrote this poem, just published in Juked. Thanks to Collier Nogues for saying yes to the poem! Here’s the link, if you’d like to read.